This is the commencement speech by the writer, Anna
Quindlen, to the graduates at Villanova this year(2002).
It's a great honor for me to be the third member of my
family to receive an honorary doctorate from this great
university.
It's an honor to follow my great Uncle Jim, who was a
gifted physician, and my Uncle Jack, who is a remarkable
businessman. Both of them could
have told you something important about their
professions, about medicine or commerce.
I have no specialized field of interest or expertise,
which puts me at a disadvantage talking to you today.
I'm a novelist.
My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't
ever confuse the two, your life and your work. The
second is only part of the first.
Don't ever forget what a friend once wrote Senator Paul
Tsongas when the senator decided not to run for
reelection because he had been diagnosed with cancer:
"No man ever said on his deathbed, 'I wish I had spent
more time at the office."
Don't ever forget the words my father sent me on a
postcard last year:
"If you win the rat race, you're still a rat."
Or what John Lennon wrote before he was gunned down in
the driveway of the Dakota: "Life is what happens while
you are busy making other
plans."
You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one
thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of
people out there with your same degree; there will be
thousands of people doing what you want to do for a
living. But you will be the only person alive who has
sole custody of your life. Your particular life.
Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your
life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just
the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not
just your bank account but your soul. People don't talk
about the soul very much anymore.
It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a
spirit.
But..... a resume is a cold comfort on a winter night,
or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've
gotten back the test results and they're not so good.
Here is my resume:
I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never
to let my profession stand in the way of being a good
parent.
I no longer consider myself the center of the universe.
I show up.
I listen.
I try to laugh.
I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make
marriage vows mean what they say.
I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me.
Without them, there would be nothing to say to you
today, because I would be a cardboard cutout. But I call
them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch.
I would be rotten, or at best mediocre at my job, if
those other things were not true. You cannot be really
first rate at your work if your work is all you are.
So here's what I wanted to tell you today:
Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next
promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house.
Do you think you'd care so very much about those things
if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump
in your breast?
Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water
pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life
in which you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk
circles over the water or the way a baby scowls with
concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with
her thumb and first finger.
Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you
love, and who love you. And remember that love is not
leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone.
Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Get a life in which you
are generous.
And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that
you have no business taking it for granted. Care so
deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it
around. Take money you would have spent on beers and give
it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother
or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not
do good too, then doing well will never be enough.
It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours,
our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color
of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony
rises and falls and disappears and rises again.
It is so easy to exist instead of to live.
I learned to live many years ago. Something really,
really bad happened to me, something that changed my
life in ways that, if I had my druthers, I would never
have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is
what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all:
I learned to love the journey, not the destination.
I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that
today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look
at all the good in the world and try to give some of it
back because I believed in it, completely and utterly.
And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what
I had learned.
By telling them this:
Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a
baby's ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your
face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal
illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy
and passion as it ought to be lived.
Send this to at least 10 people to show your support.
